Being Thankful

A couple of nights ago, my husband lovingly put me in my place. Let me backtrack a bit.

I had come home from what seemed like the longest day of work ever. My body was in pain, I was more sleep-deprived than usual, and I started to throw myself a little pity-party. I did this of course, by complaining to him about everything. I compared our situation at the moment with other people, and I said things that I didn't mean in any sort of hurtful way. Unfortunately, my words ended up sounding and appearing not only hurtful, but hateful. It sounded like I was taking everything we do have for granted, and like I want more than what we have. It sounded like I blamed my husband for the things that we don't have. When I was done, I felt a lot better. I had vented. I was done.

But because my words were so (inadvertently) hurtful towards him, Steve told me how he felt. It was an emotionally charged conversation, since I immediately felt like he was attacking me when I was just trying to vent. He had every right to let me know how he felt, but at the moment, I was so upset by how I thought he saw me, that I couldn't really listen to what he was saying. We ended our conversation, but the situation wasn't really resolved. I took a while for me to calm down and think about what I had said and how he was feeling.

As a side note: I feel like we seem like a great couple to outsiders. And in reality, we are! What you see is pretty much what you get. But like with any couple, we do have disagreements and there are times when we don't see eye-to-eye. At the same time, we never really have fights. We have great communication, and that's one of the things that keeps this a healthy relationship. We try to not let anything that is bothering us fester. We try to talk it out immediately. If either one of us (usually me!) needs time to gather our thoughts and then get back to the conversation, we take that time.

Anyway, this is why I took some time to calm down after this discussion. I knew I would just babble on and on  unless my thoughts were in the right place. Thinking about how he felt with the comments I had made really let me see how unfair I was being to him. Having him be honest with me about how he felt each time I made the same complaints before made me really open my eyes to how I wasn't really taking him into consideration. It almost seemed like I was saying the baby and I would be better off without him. Now, this wasn't what I meant at all when I was venting during my pity party, but I can see how he may have taken it that way.

The whole conversation kind of embarrassed me, because it seemed like I wasn't being grateful for everything we have worked for and everything we have--when it fact I am SO glad we are in the situation we are in. Of course, in any situation, there are little things that could be tweaked to make life a little better, but then we wouldn't have life experiences to grow from.

I am incredibly thankful for my husband. He keeps me grounded and tells it like it is. He has really made me a better person because he has taught me to be honest with myself and with those around me. He has been the one to push for more open and honest communication in this relationship, which has made us that much stronger. He has also (recently!) shown me how to think things through before I say them, since they may not sound how they were meant to be heard. I am looking forward to raising this child with this man, not only because we have a similar way of thinking, but because I know that our son will learn to be a real man from his father.

Post-Thanksgiving

I was able to create a delicious Thanksgiving meal here in Korea, so I've been really excited about that. Since we work late on Thursdays, I waited until yesterday to make it. The leftovers today were delicious as well! :)

Clockwise from the top:
Rice and beans, mac n' cheese, white cake with chocolate frosting,
cornbread, mashed potatoes, sweet corn, and chicken gravy.

And of course, there was no turkey available, so I had to make do with the whole chicken. Looking back, I probably should have gotten rid of that neck part sticking out! Ah well. Next time.

Ugh...

  I am finally starting to "feel" pregnant. Before, I would almost forget I was pregnant, just as far as getting around and even for a few split seconds, forgetting I actually had a baby inside of me. Aside from the hip pain after walking for a long time,  I was good. But for the past few days, all I feel is discomfort with my body. I have constant backaches and hip pain, my belly muscles are continuing to stretch uncomfortably, the baby will press up against my belly and it will feel like a very hard (uncomfortable!) pressure, and all of this is forcing me to slow my walking pace.
  Usually, at work, the bell will ring for class and I'll get up and just walk to class. But now, the bell rings and I have to slowly make my way there. I know it was to be expected eventually, but part of me thought that since I was doing so well, I would be fine up until it was time to give birth. I know that is unrealistic, but that's what I secretly hoped for. For the past couple of months, I've also been sitting on the floor with my back against the couch whenever I'm home. I can't find a comfy position to sit in on the couch, and it actually aggravates my back pain. Sitting on the floor hasn't been bad, but getting up from the floor has also started to become challenging. I think it's more frustrating just because I had gotten so used to being an active person, and now I've been forced to take things slowly.
  Another thing is that my restful sleep has gone down the drain. I wake up several times at night to adjust my sleeping position--either laying on my right side or left side. When I do this, I also have to adjust the pillow I keep tucked between my legs (to help with the hip pain). It's not that I fully wake up, but I am awake and it does interrupt my sleep enough to where I'm always tired. It doesn't help that I wake up at 9 or 10 and work from 1-9/9:25, since I'm pretty tired by 6 or 7 o'clock.
  I'm not complaining or saying, "Oh woe is me," but I do now realize where women who are later along than I are coming from when they say they are READY for their babies to come out. Although I'm not at that point yet, I can see how it can start getting painfully uncomfortable and how they can be ready for pregnancy to be over.

On a brighter note, I videotaped the baby moving:

And can I talk about Pinterest for a second here?? Awesome site with awesome ideas! Love it :D

Eeek!

Oh, wow. I didn't realize it had been almost an entire month since my last post. Bad girl! Everything is going as it should be, I suppose.

- We are SO busy at work. They decided to have open houses, where the parents come in and observe a class their kid is in. Of course we have to prep for those, on top of getting all their monthly work done on time for the monthly exams at the end of the month. I also have two classes in which the students don't have workbooks for the books they are reading. So who gets to create their workbooks? ME! Aaaand, I get to make their tests as well. Not only that, but I got two additional classes a week, which means a very tired and cranky and sore Cindy. Really awesome for my second-to last month at this place.

- Baby boy T is doing well, as far as I can tell. He is a little gymnast in my belly. It's reassuring to have him move as much as he does, since that means he's doing okay in my book. We have a doctor's appointment this Saturday, so I'm looking forward to that. I've been getting really tired at work as far as standing up goes, so I've been sitting as much as possible. Today was not a good day, since I had to stand in most of my classes. Now I have the worst lower backache :( But since it's not an everyday thing, I'm not stressing too much.

- I am slowly but surely gaining the weight I was stressing about a few months ago, so that's great! I weigh myself each week and it's good to see the numbers climbing. I feel bad for those who wish that wasn't the case in their own pregnancies, but each pound gained for me is excellent. So I'm glad about that. Speaking of which, I am already making plans for Thanksgiving. Can't wait to make all the yummy food! And most importantly, eat it! Yeah, so they don't celebrate a Western Thanksgiving here, but that's not what matters. What matters is having Thanksgiving in this home. And what's after Thanksgiving? CHRISTMAS!!! My favorite holiday of the year. And what's after Christmas?? New Year's and then my baby will be here!! Good times.

- Can I just say how amazing and wonderful and awesome my husband is? 'Cause he is! I just love all he does for me, and I know he'll do that and more after our son gets here. So I'm pretty lucky.

I'll definitely try a bit harder to update more often, and will try to not let another month go by with no updates.