Being Thankful

A couple of nights ago, my husband lovingly put me in my place. Let me backtrack a bit.

I had come home from what seemed like the longest day of work ever. My body was in pain, I was more sleep-deprived than usual, and I started to throw myself a little pity-party. I did this of course, by complaining to him about everything. I compared our situation at the moment with other people, and I said things that I didn't mean in any sort of hurtful way. Unfortunately, my words ended up sounding and appearing not only hurtful, but hateful. It sounded like I was taking everything we do have for granted, and like I want more than what we have. It sounded like I blamed my husband for the things that we don't have. When I was done, I felt a lot better. I had vented. I was done.

But because my words were so (inadvertently) hurtful towards him, Steve told me how he felt. It was an emotionally charged conversation, since I immediately felt like he was attacking me when I was just trying to vent. He had every right to let me know how he felt, but at the moment, I was so upset by how I thought he saw me, that I couldn't really listen to what he was saying. We ended our conversation, but the situation wasn't really resolved. I took a while for me to calm down and think about what I had said and how he was feeling.

As a side note: I feel like we seem like a great couple to outsiders. And in reality, we are! What you see is pretty much what you get. But like with any couple, we do have disagreements and there are times when we don't see eye-to-eye. At the same time, we never really have fights. We have great communication, and that's one of the things that keeps this a healthy relationship. We try to not let anything that is bothering us fester. We try to talk it out immediately. If either one of us (usually me!) needs time to gather our thoughts and then get back to the conversation, we take that time.

Anyway, this is why I took some time to calm down after this discussion. I knew I would just babble on and on  unless my thoughts were in the right place. Thinking about how he felt with the comments I had made really let me see how unfair I was being to him. Having him be honest with me about how he felt each time I made the same complaints before made me really open my eyes to how I wasn't really taking him into consideration. It almost seemed like I was saying the baby and I would be better off without him. Now, this wasn't what I meant at all when I was venting during my pity party, but I can see how he may have taken it that way.

The whole conversation kind of embarrassed me, because it seemed like I wasn't being grateful for everything we have worked for and everything we have--when it fact I am SO glad we are in the situation we are in. Of course, in any situation, there are little things that could be tweaked to make life a little better, but then we wouldn't have life experiences to grow from.

I am incredibly thankful for my husband. He keeps me grounded and tells it like it is. He has really made me a better person because he has taught me to be honest with myself and with those around me. He has been the one to push for more open and honest communication in this relationship, which has made us that much stronger. He has also (recently!) shown me how to think things through before I say them, since they may not sound how they were meant to be heard. I am looking forward to raising this child with this man, not only because we have a similar way of thinking, but because I know that our son will learn to be a real man from his father.