It Gets Better . . .

So now, I get to leave Korea on Friday. Like day-after-tomorrow Friday.

Let's not talk about how I specifically told my boss that they needed to make sure I could fly on the particular airline they booked my ticket on before they bought the ticket. They bought my original ticket to depart on Tuesday, like I wanted. And let's not talk about how they didn't check and then said everything was fine. And because I am so anal about details, I went on the airline's website and found out that on this particular airline, I needed to have someone accompany me on the flight if I was at 37 weeks or later (which would have been the case on Tuesday). If I hadn't checked, I would have been at the airport on Tuesday being denied my flight.

And let's not talk about how they told me it was "too difficult" to get a flight for the 31st or the 1st (read: too expensive), and I had to leave on Friday. This would also work out for them since it would be before I completed my 37th week, so there would be no problems with any airline. I would still need a note from my doctor saying it is okay for me to fly that late. But oh, wait, they have no openings at the doctor until Friday morning. That means that in addition to working full days today and tomorrow, packing all my stuff (which was going to be done bit by bit and over the weekend), and wrapping up last-minute stuff around here, I will have to go to the doctor, come home, get my luggage, and head right to the airport on Friday. Not really ideal for a heavily pregnant lady. Granted, Steve has been a HUGE help (and will be on Friday as well!). But it's frustrating to have everything pretty much set in stone and then again having it crumble.

Not only that, but the airline I am flying with on Friday has RIDICULOUS baggage fees. Even on an international flight, they charge for a second checked bag. I was going to bring our stroller as an additional piece of baggage, but they charge 230 bucks for it!! What?? Our only option at this point is to try and sell the stroller, since there is no way we are paying that much to send a stroller home (since there are so many cheap options out there anyway).

Again, these are things that happen when you depend on other people for so much (and why we hate depending on others), and we are at the point of trying to go with the flow. Things have been changing so quickly (this whole flight thing happened yesterday), so it's hard to be ready when there is no set plan.

I know this post sounds like I am really pissed off, but it's just me letting off some leftover steam about the situation since it's so recent. I've accepted that it's something I can't change, and as long as the baby is okay, that's what matters. So tomorrow will be my last full day in Korea, and my last day of work!!

Good-bye, Korea

After five years and four months, it is time to say adios to Korea. I'll be leaving on January 3rd, and Steve will be leaving on the 14th. My contract with the school ends on the 1st, so this is my last week of work. Steve's contract also ends on the 1st, but the original plan was for his contract to be extended until the middle of March. That would allow for the baby to be born here, and to give us time to get his paperwork together before we went home. Unfortunately, there was a step missing in the background check, and we were unable to extend the contract. That would have been the end of it, right? Wrong.

The 3rd is the last day I can fly with a doctor's note, and so there was no other option as far as my flight went. But because the school felt like Steve violated a verbal contract with them/they're just saying stuff to suit them, they are forcing him to stay until the 14th. Otherwise, they threatened to not give him his severance pay or his flight home. We can't afford to do that, so that's why he has got to stay those extra 11 days. Actually, based on the law here, the school gets a two-week grace period after a teacher's contract ends to pay the severance. And they actually aren't obligated to provide the return flight home (even though it is written into the contract, which the owner signed!).

So needless to say, it has been a stressful week (all of this went down in the past week). The absolute last things I wanted to happen were to fly so late in the pregnancy and to be apart from my husband, even for one day--much less 11 days. It hasn't all been bad, though. Steve and I always have a plan. We had three different plans as far as our futures after we went home to visit in March. Because of how things have changed, we have created a couple of new plans. We are really happy with these new plans, and it'll be good to change things around.

These events have also made us realize even more so that anything can happen. It wasn't meant for us to stay here in Korea at this time. Even the most perfect plans have a way of changing at the last minute, and we can't depend on stuff happening for sure. So although we have plans A, B, and C now, we know that they can change and we aren't counting on anything.

The thing that bothers me the most out of the whole situation is the fact that I have to fly so late in the pregnancy (leaving without Steve comes a very close second). I am trying to stay positive and have faith that everything will be okay, but it's hard. We had our winter break this week, and it has been a rush to start getting packed up. Really, more of a rush for Steve to start getting me packed up, since I get tired/start hurting so quickly. This break was supposed to be a time for relaxation and getting excited for my last week of work. We won't really be able to pack up stuff during this coming week, more so because I come home so exhausted from work. But it has to be done. I'm trying to look on the bright side of things and get excited to go HOME. But until I am safely there, I won't be getting too worked up.

We didn't choose to do things this way. We were pretty much forced to, under the circumstances. I have no hard feelings towards my boss, but I am a bit irked at the owner of the school. Although I do understand where he is coming from, I can still be upset at the situation and his hand in things. Just as Steve and I want to look out for our family, he has to look out for his business.

To cut this long story short, this is why I'll be going back to the States a week from Tuesday.

Please Stay Where You Are

**Remember: these are my opinions. If you don't agree, be nice. Just as you have your own opinions I may disagree with, you may not agree with whatever I have to say here. But just be respectful. Thanks!**

I have been reading pregnancy-related message boards, and I wanted to write about one topic that is and has been bugging me for a while: inducing labor prematurely.

First of all, when a baby comes, it comes on its own accord. Obviously, you can't dictate when your baby will come. There are medical problems for some, and they need to deliver before they are full-term. This post isn't about those people. This is about women who wish and actually try to make labor happen early because a) they are tired of being pregnant, or b) they want their baby to be born on a particular day, or c) any other silly reason.

These women don't read about the trouble premature babies have if they are born early. They don't read about the fact that their babies will have to stay in the NICU for days or even weeks because their bodies weren't developed enough to survive outside the womb when they were born. Even in the later weeks of pregnancy, the baby's body is still working on the lungs, brain, and other organs to be ready to live on its own. There are women on the message boards who were due at around the same time as I, and they have already had their babies. Guess what? Their babies are still at the hospital with feeding tubes and extra oxygen and what not. There are some who are getting ready for their babies to come home, but not that many.

If I were to go into labor now, my son would most likely have to stay at the hospital and be monitored. I still have a month to go! That is a LOT of developing and growing for a fetus. It's not a secret that I've been in a lot of pain. The last couple of months haven't been easy for my body. I've been sleep-deprived and in pain, but I still don't want to go into labor until my due date or later. Of course, there are times when I think it would be cool to have the baby in time for Christmas or New Year's. But that's all it is. Just a thought. It would not be cool, especially when I still have weeks and weeks to go, to spend Christmas and the New Year at the hospital worried about my baby. Again, anything can happen. I could go into labor right now. But at least it would be my body telling me it was time instead of me trying to control nature. You were the one who got pregnant, now deal with it. You can't kick your 8-year old kid out of the house because he or she is being bad and you don't feel like living with the trouble. An 8-year old is not ready to live on his or her own. A fetus shouldn't be "kicked out" of its home, either, just because you can't deal with it anymore.

Taking Care

Yesterday was the first day of our winter break. We went to Seoul to do a bit of shopping, and stopped at Taco Bell for lunch. I was so hungry by this point, since I had eaten a couple of cups of yogurt for breakfast at about 9 and it was about 12:30 pm by the time we got to Taco Bell.
The baby has been making it really hard to sleep, and because he is settled so low in my belly, I've been having a LOT of lower back and lower abdomen pain. Like, to the point where it hurts or is very uncomfortable to sit on any sort of hard surface. So from the time we left the house until the time I got my food and went to sit down, I was already feeling like it was going to be a very short shopping trip. I was in so much pain and so hungry, all I wanted to do was eat and go home and lay down. I knew once I rested for a little while, I would be a bit better, so I wasn't too anxious to get out of there.

Because I hadn't eaten a full meal for a while, I was actually feeling a little nauseous. So I needed to get this food in me asap. As soon as I took my first bite, I started to get incredibly hot and dizzy. I felt like I was about to pass out. It was really scary, because I had never felt like that before. I didn't know WHAT was going on. I got a sharp little pain in the upper right area of my left eye, and I was having trouble seeing straight. I was trying to breathe and gather myself, but it got so bad I needed to make sure Steve knew what was going on. In slow, choppy words, I told him I felt like I was about to pass out, and I was really hot. He moved the table over and helped me take my sweatshirt off (mind you, the windows at the restaurant are thin enough to where you need to keep your sweatshirt on to stay comfortable). I got a tissue and started to wipe my neck and face because I had been sweating so bad. I wasn't sweating because I had overexerted myself, it was because of whatever it was that was going on with my body.

Slowly, my body temp got back to normal and I felt okay. But then I couldn't feel the baby move. He's been incredibly active this entire pregnancy, and even more so now that he needs to stretch and try to make more room for himself in there (I'm only five feet tall, so that might have something to do with his need to stretch!). I took a sip of cold soda, and then he started moving again. So I knew he was okay. I was able to finish the rest of my meal and finish the little shopping we had to do. We came back home and I went straight up to bed to lay down and relax.

Everything is okay now, but it scared me. What if something had happened? What would Steve do, especially since I didn't tell him how I was feeling until it was almost too late? I'm pretty sure it was all because I hadn't eaten a real breakfast and I needed something in my system. But at the same time, I was feeling okay until all of these symptoms rushed over me out of nowhere. I was just hungry, not feeling any different from any other time I've been hungry. The only thing I can think of to do now is just to force myself to eat more than I think I need, and keep a snack handy for whenever I get any sort of hunger pang. That's another thing, though. I have been doing a great job of taking care of my body anyway, and this was a one-time incident (as far as waiting till we got to Taco Bell to eat a meal). But it does show me that anything can happen at any time, and I should have been prepared.

Things Happen for a Reason

The past several days have been stressful, to say the least. There is some stuff going on that has thrown a monkey wrench into our plans as far as the next several months, and although I won't talk about it (yet!), I will say that it has made Steve and I reevaluate our future. There's nothing wrong with the pregnancy, first of all! Everything is okay.

But as far as recent events, you could say our eyes have been opened even more so to God's will. There was a plan there all along, and we kept trying to push back against things that were happening. We thought at first that it was terrible luck, and we were stressing out about things that we had no control over. We felt that people were being spiteful for no reason (which is still the case, somewhat), and things were happening that were screwing with our plans--which we had made months in advance. We had everything under control, and in the blink of an eye, everything was turned upside down.

In the past couple of days, we have had to sit and rethink our plans. We realized that all of this animosity we felt towards the people involved and the situation overall was part of the plan that was meant to be. We were meant to go through this and rethink our priorities once again. We realized that even the best-made plans can be "ruined," and it made us realize that we can never really be prepared for anything that can happen. Of course, we can make plans, but this time, we know that any plans we make can change incredibly fast and there is nothing we can do about that. So we can't wholly depend on those plans. They are not set in stone.

For the most part, we have made peace with the situation. We are looking forward to this new plan we have made, and we have prepared ourselves for the possibility of this new plan not working out how we want. And this time, we are okay with that. That's the point of life. In order to grow and mature, you need to go through obstacles and work to come out on top. You need to realize that things may not work out how you wanted or planned for them to, and you need to be okay with that. You also need to have a backup plan. You can't "wing it," since that's when you fail.

This experience has also made us thankful for what we have. We have a good life already, but as with anyone, there were times when we didn't recognize that fact. We would complain about this and that, and how our situation wasn't as good as the next person's. In reality, we have an amazing life. We have amazing family and friends, which in turn gives us an amazing support system. Just yesterday, we realized that we have so MANY people who care about us and pray for us, and we don't really consider how much these people think about us.

We are also thankful for the options we have. There are people who can't do what we are planning on doing (more on that in a couple of weeks), because they don't have the ability to. This doesn't mean that they are stuck where they are, it just means they have to work that much harder to get those options. We have it pretty easy (for the most part), and we don't stop to think about that fact as often as we should.

It's also kind of funny that I say that, since the name of this blog is The Grass is Greene-er! Really? I couldn't look at that and have my eyes opened that way? Of course the grass is greener! We can always improve our lives! But does that mean that the other side is really all it's cracked up to be? Not really. Even in my situation, others can look at my husband and I and think, "Wow, they have EVERYTHING. They have such an easy life, they do this, they do that, etc." But if they were in our shoes, they would think otherwise. That isn't to say our life isn't great, but it also hasn't been easy. Especially with recent events. There was a lot of stress, many tears have been shed, and we have had to basically restructure part of our lives. But that's what life is about. You pick up the pieces and keep on moving.

It's also a bit significant that everything is happening just in time for the new year. We are looking at just switching over and being positive, and embracing January first--not only as the start of a new year, but as the start of our new lives (I mean, hello, we are welcoming a new member of our family in a little over a month!). And again, I will clarify a lot of this in a couple of weeks.

Looking Forward To . . .

First of all, I'm actually not anxious to have this baby be born yet. I haven't gotten to the point where I'm sick of being pregnant. Obviously, he'll come when he's ready. And I'm absolutely fine with that. But, there are many things I haven't been able to do/eat/drink since April, when I found out I was pregnant. I miss those things! Here's a list of things I am really excited to do/partake in once this baby is born.

- Sleep on my back/tummy.
  I know I could still sleep on my back, but it isn't recommended (the weight of the uterus, placenta, fluid, and baby press down on a pretty major vein). So I choose not to. And forget about tummy sleeping, for obvious reasons. Because of that, I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. Sleeping on my side hurts my hips like crazy, but the benefits (at least to me) outweigh the downsides.

Doesn't that look SO comfy??
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- Sit on the couch
  Our couch is nice and soft, but it's hell on my back. So I've been sitting on a couple of pillows on the floor with my back up against the front of the couch. I also usually curl my legs up when I'm on the couch, so it'll be nice to not have a baby in the way when I do that. Or at least it'll be nice to have the baby in my arms than in my belly.

Like this!
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- Bend over to pick something up with no problems
  Whenever I drop something, it's either: spread my legs, brace myself, and slowly reach down to get it. Drop into a crouch and slowly get down to get it. Or, awkwardly bend down and by the time I get back up, I'm out of breath.

- Go up a set of stairs without waddling, getting out of breath halfway up, or having to stop and rest.
  This is pretty self-explanatory. I haven't exercised since April (Two reasons: 1. Bad morning sickness in the first three months. 2. Hip pain in the months after).

- Go somewhere without needing to pee every 20 minutes.
  We went out to Seoul today for a couple of hours, and I went to the bathroom at least 6 times. I didn't even drink anything the entire time we were out. The worst part was having to use a squatter one of those times. Squatting and pregnant don't really mix well.

- Eat anything I want.
  I haven't had a ham sandwich in eight months. I love sandwiches! I've had to make do with tuna, but it's not the same. I want to have a deli meat sandwich. But because of the slight risk of listeria, I won't even touch the stuff. It'll probably be one of the first things I eat immediately after birth, actually. I want a California sushi roll. Can't have that, either. I do know I have to watch for chocolate, caffeine, and other stuff while breastfeeding, but I don't think it'll be as bad as not being able to enjoy a good sandwich with any kind of cheese on it (some cheeses are off-limits, too).

I'd probably punch your mom for one of these right about now . . .
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- Drink anything I want, when I want it.
  I do drink soda from time to time (very rarely). I have had some coffee (again, rarely). I want to be able to decide to have a cup of coffee and not think about it. Unfortunately, this is one of those things I have to wait until after I'm done breastfeeding to enjoy. Which is okay. At least I can have a cup or two before little guy gets here. Once he's here, caffeine is OUT.

Cute AND tasty!
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- Run.
  I don't mean in the sense of working out. I just mean I want to be able to run to catch a bus or a light. Especially when it's cold out. It sucks having JUST missed the light, having to wait for the next light, and it's cold and windy out. Same goes for the bus. Especially if I could have made it by running for it.

- Ride a bike.
  I had a dream about riding my bike yesterday. Since we don't drive here in Korea, we end up walking a lot. There are places within walking distance, but a bike is the difference between a 20-minute walk or a five-minute ride.

- Have people think I'm just my usual stand-offish, serious self rather than think it's because of pregnancy emotions (which actually, is not because I'm being antisocial, I'm just a shy person and it takes me a while to warm up to people).
  I haven't been the typical emotional crazy pregnant woman this entire time. So when someone assumes that I am more emotional than usual because of this pregnancy, it pisses me off. For example, I am a very strict teacher. I always have been. I haven't changed my teaching style. So when parents call to complain because their kids are scared or nervous around me (which isn't something new, and the kids are just upset because I expect them to do their homework and give them detention when they don't do it--rather than just smile and say it's okay like other teachers around here may do, or have no control over my classes, etc. . . this is a topic for another time), and tell my boss that they suspect it's because of my pregnancy emotions, it really bugs me. And I can't defend myself without sounding or seeming emotional, so it's a lose-lose for me.

- Have a conversation that doesn't revolve around my pregnancy.
  It's not that I want people to ignore it, or that I don't want to talk about it. If anything, I LOVE talking about pregnancy and symptoms and this child of mine. BUT. That's what blogging is for. That's what my husband is for. That's what the rest of my family is for. That's what my friends are for. If we are out just hanging out and you are not pregnant and have not been pregnant, I don't want pregnancy to be the focus of the conversation. It makes me uncomfortable, and I'm sure you don't want to spend your time talking about it.
People, MY PREGNANCY DOES NOT DEFINE ME AS A PERSON. I am not my pregnancy. I appreciate you asking how I'm doing, how things are going, and little questions. But once that's over, lets talk about other stuff. I don't want to be nor am I "that girl" going on and on and on about pregnancy this and pregnancy that. This is one of the reasons I don't overload Facebook with pregnancy-related stuff. Again, that's what this blog can be used for. I do have interests and things I like to do. I am a regular person. Really! I am my own person with my own personality, and there are people who think or act like being pregnant is IT. "I am pregnant. Let's talk about ME and MY PREGNANCY. Blah, blah, blah . . ." That's not me. I don't want to bring down conversations talking about how much pain I'm in, or how sleep-deprived I am, or how unattractive I feel, or how uncomfortable things are for me. If you really want to know, then at least don't ask me when we are in a group situation. If you really want to know, read this blog!

I AM pregnancy! Pregnancy, pregnancy, pregnancy!!

- Drink, go out, and party.
  Again, drinking will have to wait a while, but I miss going out to clubs and bars and dancing and socializing. I get SO jealous when Steve goes out. The next morning, I have him tell me every single little thing that happened. I haven't been able to go out in Korea, because there are no smoking laws. You go to the bar or club, you'll come back smelling like an ashtray. I'd rather not expose my fetus to all that smoke, thankyouverymuch. I also miss dancing. I've tried dancing with the baby, but it feels SO awkwardly weird. So I've just been rocking back and forth to some music with him. Not the same.

I'll have one of each, please.
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- Go outside without having to hold my breath or cover my nose every 15 feet.
Because of how many smokers there are here, there is always at least one person smoking out if front of a business. Right in the middle of the sidewalk. Where other people have to walk through your cloud of smoke, since you are taking up so much space. Or now, because it's winter and it's too cold to stand out in the sidewalk, you smoke in the doorway of the building. Which is also really nice and considerate for every single person trying to walk in and out of said building. Especially me and my unborn son. Really cool, guys.


I think that about covers it. I guess this kind of turned into a rant, huh? Ah well. I'm sure there is stuff that I left out, but these are the majors. Here's to my final month of pregnancy!

Hurting

The little guy is big enough to make his movements painful to me. There are times when I'll flinch, because his jabs and rolls are so uncomfortable. It does make me a bit nervous, since he still has a lot of weight to put on, and it seems like my belly can't stretch any more. I am getting more and more excited, though. Just thinking and imagining what things will be like when he's finally here. I'm really looking forward to motherhood and this new part of life. It's kind of funny how when I shop online, I immediately go to the children's section. Of course, I do go to the women's section, but only after I look at everything available in the children's section first.

I'm also really excited because I have about 15 work days left! Although my contract ends on January first, we have our winter break coming up soon. And I'm not including weekends. Overall, it should be a good next couple of months--if baby doesn't keep hurting me!